Sunday, December 30, 2012

Girlfriend Proofing

With the new year just around the corner, I can officially say we have reached the mid-season classic of #cuffingseason - New Years celebrations.  Aside from babies being born [or made], many people make their final cuts to their rosters and select their star player.  Now, there are different titles assigned to the star player like "my main", "number one" and "my boo" - either way things just got real and there may be a new set of expectations on the horizon.

Regardless of how couples assign titles to each other, the reality is, on the outside you are generally going to be perceived as boyfriend/girlfriend -no disrespect to the LGBT community, I am simply writing from my heterosexual perspective.  With this transition, it is important for men to realize that they must manage their cuffing situation as though it is the real deal.  But don't sweat it too much, just think of it as war games or training exercises. 

All that said fellas - it's time to practice girlfriend proofing!  So here are a few things to get you started:

  • Practice saying her name when you are under extreme physical and mental strain. Doing so will help you avoid that slip which always seems to come at the worst times.
  • Take her car as much as you can.  This way, you can deny without lying in the event you get called out.  "Naw, my car was at home allllllll day!"
  • She'll check your phone, medicine cabinet, fridge and top dresser drawers, but she'll never think to look in your laundry room, broom closet and for the non-cooking chicks, your oven!  So hide stuff there!  
  • Remember - in her mind ignoring calls on your cell is trouble waiting to happen.  Ignoring calls on your house phone is you dodging bill collectors and telemarketers.  Use this wisely!
Obviously the best way to girlfriend proof is to not engage in activities with other women that will put you in hot water with the one you are with.  Unfortunately, this probably won't work for most newly cuffed individuals and maybe these tips will help you balance your life before things get bad.  

Note:  These tips aren't based on my own experiences; lets just say I have a few dumb friends that gave me some good examples to choose from!

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